Today we have something new and different. My single friend Miki is here to regale us with what she thinks about online dating as a single thirtysomething. She may be writing us some more posts from the trenches of singledom. Miki calls herself a real-life version of Elle Woods, and is passionate about animals, good books, movies, and The Real Housewives. Take it away, you hot blonde single thing!
I’m certain that everyone reading this has either been to an event with an Open Bar and/or gone on a vacation with unlimited food and drinks. I’m also certain that everyone reading this has tried Online dating at least once. The similarities between the two are greater than single people care to admit to themselves. In this post, I will wax poetic about the deleterious effects of the open bar that is online dating.
Back in the days before online dating, single people met their potential dates out in The Wild, aka real life. People were thus forced to use their charm, intelligence, and feminine or masculine wiles to secure a date. The effort that wooing in real life took made people value others, get to know them, and plan dates that took into account the other person’s interests. Fast forward to today where people no longer need to even pay for an Online dating account like Match, JDate, or Eharmony, when there are free apps like Tinder and Hinge. In a world where getting a date is as easy as ordering dinner on Seamless, people have become as interchangeable and disposable as that drink that they ordered at the Open Bar that was left idly on the table.
The thing about the unlimited drinks at open bars and the unlimited food on vacation is that it’s almost never particularly tasty, fulfilling, or memorable. It fills you up. It gets you drunk. It makes you put on a few pounds. It also makes you forget about that really good whiskey bar that you haven’t been to in ages or that amazing restaurant across town. Why go for quality that may require more effort when quantity is at your fingertips. Why go out and socialize with friends and try to meet new people when you can swipe left or swipe right?
I’ll never forget the time that I was at a party and my girlfriends and I were talking to a few single guys. One of the guys was glued to his phone, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw that he was actually swiping through girls on Tinder. One might say that he was multi-tasking or just not interested in any of the girls, but I think that people in this new age of dating have just become devoid of the ability to interact or be social. The influx of dating apps has not increased our odds at finding love, it’s just increased our odds at getting laid and decreased our ability to be human.
I’m not saying that online dating does not have its merits or that there haven’t been success stories attached to “swiping,” however, the bottom line is that when people have an unlimited cache of single people to choose from, it takes away from the need to take the time to get to know the people they’re dating. It’s very simple to line up a date for every night of the week. Most fairly attractive single women and nearly all single men (chalk it up to the uneven male to female ratio) are capable of going out with a different person every night of the week. Most of the dates aren’t even particularly bad or particularly good, but they blend together and start to feel like one, gigantic, bad date.
I was told by one very attractive guy with whom I had one date that he felt like his chronic dating was beginning to turn him into an alcoholic. This guy was going on so many dates that he noticed that his weekly alcohol intake had at least doubled. Perhaps not such a good thing to disclose on a First Date, but that’s for another post. Needless to say, I didn’t agree to the Elusive Second Date because I’m not particularly keen on dating an admitted (or closet) serial dater.
I’ve never been a fan of the Smorgasbord, the buffet, or the unlimited option on a vacation. I’ve always preferred quality to quantity. Unfortunately, in today’s dating climate, singles who feel the same way as I do have fallen into the “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” mentality, and succumb to exercising our thumbs, instead of our brains, to eventually meet The Person. I will admit to not even having one telephone conversation before going out on a first date with someone whom I met online. Maybe I’m also guilty of not wanting to exert time or energy into getting to know someone, however, it also seems that the guys I date also don’t find it necessary to speak to me on the phone to ensure that I’m not a Cyborg.
I’ve even had a few really, truly bad dates that could have been avoided had I spoken to my date on the phone prior to agreeing to go out with them. One of the guys had the voice of a 1950s game show host, and when I asked him if he was doing an impersonation of one such character for me, he looked like I had just told him that Santa Claus wasn’t real when he told me that that was, in fact, the way he spoke. I guess he wasn’t that hurt because he asked me out on another date, but since I didn’t want to know what was behind Door Number Three, I politely declined.
I’m not suggesting that single people should delete their dating apps or delete their online dating accounts, but what I am suggesting is to try to find out things about your dates before meeting up for a drink. A one-line blurb on an app and a few text exchanges is not going to tell you anything about a person. Also, try to actually engage with others when you go out to events and parties with friends. Keep your phone in your pocket or your purse.
So, I’m making this entreaty to all of my fellow single men and women. Save your liver. Save your cute date outfit. Save your dating integrity. Follow the premises behind “eating clean” and date clean. Don’t date someone before knowing what makes them tick (i.e. find out their ingredients, and make sure there are no artificial additives or preservatives).
Now, go forth and date. Namaste Swipers, Namaste.
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Thanks so much, Miki! Leave this brave girl some love in the comments, and share your own online dating thoughts, feelings, and stories (and here’s someone who did find love online). And if anyone knows some quality NYC area men, hit her up. Till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Used To Do JDate But Then I Met My Husband Through Friends.
